Comparison is a thief of joy

For many years I sat watching people take over the internet. Their flashy Facebook pages, shifted to Instagram and now carried over to multiple other platforms. They curated their life in such a way that it was appealing to everyone that scrolled through, admiring their aesthetic. The clean crisp houses where everything was in order. Their kids all dressed up and looking nice all the time. Their perfectly manicured appearance, face, eyelashes, nails, lips, etc. The places they would travel and the pictures they would take for content. I was jealous.

I would count the ways i didn’t measure up and stuff myself into a box, afraid to show the world the real me. Because what’s interesting about me? I’m just a mom. I’m just a wife. I’m just a doula. I’m just a basic woman trudging through life trying to be a good human. But what’s that? I wanted to be somebody. Somebody that was admired and curated.

I’m not sure when things shifted, but I stopped looking at others pages and social media lives and started to focus on my own. I started to focus on the things in my life I truly wanted to change - for me, not for anyone else. I struggled a lot with self care. True self care. Showering, brushing my teeth, taking care of my body and the house I live in. Not for anyone, but so my nervous system would feel good and I would feel safe and taken care of.

But there is beauty in the life I have created. I don’t have it together. My life is anything but curated. My house is a mess most of the time and I can’t seem to do more then a couple things well without the rest of my life falling short. If I don’t have to work I likely won’t shower and I will go out of the house looking like a bridge troll. But I’m honestly ok with it. I can say without a doubt that what I thought I wanted when comparing myself to others, isn’t what I want anymore. It wasn’t all bad. I did learn a lot - what I want and what I don’t - there’s so much value in that!

I don’t ever want to be someone that presents a life that isn’t real. I try really hard to be as transparent as I can, while still keeping things private and special. I’m never going to be like anyone else, because I am me, and that’s perfect in every way.

Stop comparing yourself to the people you see on social media. The way they look. The way they write. The way they make things look whimsical and beautiful. And instead, start to see your life through a different lens. Start to see your life and all the beauty you can curate for yourself. Someone said comparison is the thief of joy, and I can attest to the truth in that. Set yourself free and live just for you.

I’m not saying that the people we see that have these beautiful posts are bad, or not real. Because they are, and I know lots of them and they are amazing. What I am saying is you’re worthy of feeling like you belong in this world and if scrolling and seeing someone have a life you want or you become jealous and start to hate yourself because you don’t measure up - it’s time to do some work and change that narrative in your head. You deserve to be free!

Transformation

The journey we take together is one that can transform you. A deeply held and loved space for you to witness pieces of you that maybe you have hidden away. Maybe it’s shame, maybe it’s fear, hurt from someone’s words or physical touch.

Our session together is more than just a protocol. It’s a willingness and understanding to take your energy body to a place where you can witness and heal yourself. How deep do you want to go? How much change are you wanting to see in your body, your heart and your soul?

We co-create a space for your becoming. A space that you’re in your most cherished and perfect form. I allow my heart to lead the way, listening to the hums of your body.

She whispers to me as I gently run my hands on your body. Guiding me to where needs the most attention. Stagnancy happens in our body because we have become so good at ignoring those little nudges from our body to be present and listen. Maybe we pop a Tylenol and power through, just to get through our busy day. Who has time for pain and discomfort with our busy lives? You do. We do. It’s essential we make the time. Maybe not in the moment, but at some point our presence is needed.

The work that is done prior to internal work is what allows for massive shifting once you invite me in. There’s a dance between your body and mine, finding a rhythm that feels safe for your body, a pace that allows your nervous system to unfold and be held.

I’ve had the privilege to work with so many women in our community with a variation of discomforts. Many of them being told that they would need surgery, this is just the way life would be for them now - or simply not listened to.

It may be common to pee your pants after you have a baby. But it is not normal. It may be common for your uterus to be retroverted. But it’s not something that has to stay that way. Prolapsing may be common. But it doesn’t need surgery to be fixed. Scar tissue and adhesions may be common. But with a tender touch and understanding they can soften and regain mobility - no matter how big and scary they may look.

Our bodies are so wise. They want to be in alignment and balanced. Given a safe and loving environment they want to heal.

reflections of motherhood

Nothing quite prepares you for when your kids grow up and move away from home.

The days seemed so long sometimes, but years flew by. I remember when they were 2&3 and watching them play outside in the garden while digging for worms. These two had a bond so deep but fought like wild animals.

I was 18 when I had Reier and 20 when I had Thaine. We basically grew up together. If I’m completely honest, I wasn’t the most present mom. I was deeply grieving the loss of their dad, turned anxiety, mental health, and trying to find my footing as a mom and a woman. I spent a majority of their lives stoned, a way to not feeling the true magnitude of emotions that needed to be felt.

I deeply wish I could be the mom I am now, for them as little boys. To not wish the years away. To be able to hold their little faces in my hands and kiss their plump little cheeks. I wish I could build them up and tell them every single day how cherished and loved they are.

So many things I would do differently but I’m so glad that I didn’t stay stuck and chose growth, healing and thriving.

I may not be where I would like to be in life, but I’m so grateful to be given the opportunity to continue down this path. As their mom - friend - someone they can trust and confide in. I’m their safe space. Someone they can always show up and tell me things - even if I might not agree - I’ve always shown them humanness and unconditional love. Creating a space for them to just be.

I’m so glad they chose me to be their mom. And even though they are big boys now, to see them laugh and joke around together takes me back to a time where it was just three of us and life was a little more simple. I can smell the apple blossoms in the air, the dusty roads as we would drive and blast music and their giggles while we drove with the windows down to feel the breeze.

I’m so lucky this is my life

Complete and total reverence

Complete and total reverence.

When I sit with you on the table, your legs straddling mine, a deep merging of our energies happens. I ask your permission before I place my hands on your body. Once I have been given consent, I place one hand on your heart and one on your vulva, over blankets.

Usually I can feel an increase of heart rate, some nerves working themselves out. We breathe intentionally together. Sometimes, tears are shed. This can mean any things. Emotional release. Understanding. A sense of safety. Nourishment. Being held, exactly as they are. A readiness. Unfurling. Whatever those feelings are, you’re held.

I then move my hand to their belly. Connection is key, to all places in the body. Again, we breathe together. By this time, the nervous system is generally relaxed. They are able to breathe deeper and more connected to their body.

Then I move down to both hands being on the vulva, over the sheet. My hands will stay here as long as needed. There’s no time limit on removing the armour that needs to come off before we can move forward. I deeply respect your boundaries, your inner knowing.

We can’t move forward and insult your nervous system and expect change. Sometimes women are so deeply desperate to have changes happen that they don’t listen to their body when it says no, I’m not ready.

I’m here to listen. I can feel when your body is saying no. I will love you through that no, and if it means that we aren’t going to do internal work - that is ok what a gift it is to yourself when you’re able to tap into those knowings.

However you need to show up in the world, I’m here to love and support you through this.

This is woman’s work. This is full body care. This is the work that will help to heal our world.

I’m in the process of creating a full day or weekend ceremony for one. A day to truly show up and nourish yourself. Located in a beautiful space, you’ll be fed your favourite most nourishing foods, you’ll receive reiki, steaming, full body sessions, a ritual bath and so much more

Ceremonial work

To tend to your body is ceremonial.

The trust that is given when you lay down on my table, is an honour. Not only are you opening yourself up to me in such a vulnerable way, you’re opening yourself up to deep and profound healing.

The first session we might chat and get to know one another as I work on your body. We may share some laughs and talk about what’s going on in your life.

When I get to your belly, I really like to take my time. Touch your skin in the most loving way. Generally, we don’t have someone caress our stomach. For a lot of women we carry a lot of shame about how it looks, maybe there’s stretch marks, maybe saggy skin, maybe there’s a layer of fat. Maybe you don’t ever touch this skin yourself and you may want to disassociate when I reach to touch it.

I will gently guide you back into your body. Teaching you how to do your own belly massage so you can improve your own digestion and be in tune with your system.

Did you know you can feel the energies of each organ? And if that organ was removed - gallbladder or uterus - that you can still tune in and feel them?

When we massage your tummy, we are creating space. We are moving things around so that when it comes time to do our next step that there is room for expansion and curiosity. Your body is more receptive and ready to explore the possibilities of shifting into optimal position.

Through your belly, I’m able to access your uterus and tell if she’s tilted and help her to regain great posture inside of your pelvic bowl. I can feel your ovaries as well as your bladder.

With some time and trust with your body, we can lift your bladder and alleviate most bladder incontinence.

Our bodies are wise and know how to heal. Sometimes it just needs the right environment to feel safe enough and someone that can guide you to that space. My table is judgement free

I have limited spaces in July and august, so if you’re feeling called to work together please send me a dm.

I love you.